FRAGRANCE WIFI | 50 ml

Listen. I don’t know what they put in this bottle, but it’s not perfume — it’s a signal booster for your soul.

I sprayed Wi-Fi once, and my phone immediately reconnected to the neighbor’s network without a password. My smart fridge started flirting with my coffee machine. Birds outside rearranged themselves into the shape of a QR code. That’s when I knew: this wasn’t scent. This was frequency.

The top notes hit like a late-night scroll — bright static and neon ozone — followed by a mid-note of digital nostalgia, like the smell of a freshly unboxed laptop circa 2007. The base? Oh, baby. Smooth data packet musk with a lingering hum of “someone’s thinking about you” energy.

I walked into a café, and every Bluetooth device within 30 feet tried to pair with me. Someone’s AirPods whispered, “What are you wearing?” Siri gasped. Alexa took notes.

Hours later, I found myself in a trance, decoding Wi-Fi networks named after ex-lovers and cryptic memories. That’s when it hit me — Wi-Fi isn’t just a fragrance. It’s a portal. One spray and you’re logged in to everything — your memories, your desires, that embarrassing tweet you deleted in 2014.

Final verdict: ★★★★★
Smells like connectivity. Feels like destiny. Might crash your emotional router.

Before WiFi (the fragrance, not the router), my life was in shambles. My wife left me, citing “irreconcilable differences”, mainly that I smelled like a combination of BO and Mountain Dew. My kids only spoke to me through AirDrop requests. Even my dog preferred to sit by the neighbour’s fence to get a whiff of someone more… Ethernet.

Then, one fateful day, I spritzed WiFi.

The moment it hit my skin, I swear I heard a dial-up tone and then… connection established. My ex called me out of nowhere and said, “I think I made a mistake.” My boss promoted me, despite the fact I don’t actually have a job anymore. Strangers stop me on the street, not to ask for directions, but to say, “Sir, are you… buffering? Because I feel a strong connection.”

WiFi didn’t just change my scent — it changed my destiny.

If love is a battlefield, WiFi is my router, and I’ve got full bars.